May he never understand that she is a walking, talking case of trouble.
Her eyes follow his as she speaks with far more calm and sadness than her normal cadence. "I am the only person who chose to leave Turkana," she admits. "Still. After all this time. Everything I say is going to be colored by that."
Tasha presses on. "There's a certain uniqueness in being the only one of your kind. It's lonely, but it's also special. There's a small bit of pride in it. Then there's the sense that only you and you alone can speak for a certain type of experience. That often leads to attention, and that attention can feel good and bad depending on the person asking and the circumstances."
"Then comes along another survivor." Her lips twitch into a sad smile. She had dreams where Ishara just suddenly showed up at her door - sober, free of the cadres, and all smiles - and she uses them now. "Someone where you don't need to explain things to over and over, that you don't need to apologize to for being so different than everyone else, and I can imagine there would be so much relief in that. There's joy that you aren't alone anymore. Maybe a little bit of loss in there, too, because as messed up as it is, there's a loss in no longer being unique."
"And then they abuse you - on top of everything you both may have done to survive. It seems like 'betrayal' is too mild of a word for something like that. Worse, they attack your sanctuary - defiling it. So, fear. Irrational, stupid fear."
"Then there's something I know you're doing." She places a hand over what would be his heart. "Taking what you know or have been told and re-examining who you thought you were based on that new information, because a human would feel disturbed in their sense of self."
Suddenly, this look of horror crosses her face and she steps back from him, blushing bright red and silent after a murmured apology. She looks ready to run.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2015-08-01 08:40 pm (UTC)Her eyes follow his as she speaks with far more calm and sadness than her normal cadence. "I am the only person who chose to leave Turkana," she admits. "Still. After all this time. Everything I say is going to be colored by that."
Tasha presses on. "There's a certain uniqueness in being the only one of your kind. It's lonely, but it's also special. There's a small bit of pride in it. Then there's the sense that only you and you alone can speak for a certain type of experience. That often leads to attention, and that attention can feel good and bad depending on the person asking and the circumstances."
"Then comes along another survivor." Her lips twitch into a sad smile. She had dreams where Ishara just suddenly showed up at her door - sober, free of the cadres, and all smiles - and she uses them now. "Someone where you don't need to explain things to over and over, that you don't need to apologize to for being so different than everyone else, and I can imagine there would be so much relief in that. There's joy that you aren't alone anymore. Maybe a little bit of loss in there, too, because as messed up as it is, there's a loss in no longer being unique."
"And then they abuse you - on top of everything you both may have done to survive. It seems like 'betrayal' is too mild of a word for something like that. Worse, they attack your sanctuary - defiling it. So, fear. Irrational, stupid fear."
"Then there's something I know you're doing." She places a hand over what would be his heart. "Taking what you know or have been told and re-examining who you thought you were based on that new information, because a human would feel disturbed in their sense of self."
Suddenly, this look of horror crosses her face and she steps back from him, blushing bright red and silent after a murmured apology. She looks ready to run.