"A hologram." She's not questioning it. She should, but -
"Lal," she says quietly. "I can't answer many of those questions. Maybe...he can't either." She takes Lal's shoulders. "And maybe I'm...some other Tasha Yar than he knew."
She lets go and starts to pace, and as she talks the reality of what happened - all of it - begins to filter in. "But if things all happened the same way? The last things I remember? He would -
"Armus seemed interested in him - specifically - and I just -" She bites her lip. "Stepped in front of him to get Troi. There was a flash and -
"Lal, Beverly would have had the tricorder and everything. Data would have had to carry me. Carry me in his arms with my life being drained away into that..." Her voice cracks, but the words roll on. "That thing." She looks up to the ceiling and her mind shifts to an image of a too blue sky. A sky under which both recorded her last good-byes and, before that, bared her soul to the most wonderful man she had known.
If she had to chose a love of that life....If
She blinks at tears and spreads her arm to encompass the room. "And, then he would have stood - not feeling anything - while everyone we loved grieved while I said only some small fraction of what he should have heard from me. Surrounded, and alone." She steels herself. "And not being able to explain any of it. Not even to Geordi. Because I asked! Hell, like a damn fool, I insisted!"
"While every second of it - every touch. Every time I laughed because he couldn't. Every idiot thing I ever told him..." Her voice drops. "Down to feeling me slipping away. It would all be there. Burned in permanently."
"Your memory isn't 'fragmented' on accident. He wouldn't do that, or he'd try to fix it. You have those gaps because he cares deeply about you. And what I am is pain."
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2015-06-27 02:56 am (UTC)"Lal," she says quietly. "I can't answer many of those questions. Maybe...he can't either." She takes Lal's shoulders. "And maybe I'm...some other Tasha Yar than he knew."
She lets go and starts to pace, and as she talks the reality of what happened - all of it - begins to filter in. "But if things all happened the same way? The last things I remember? He would -
"Armus seemed interested in him - specifically - and I just -" She bites her lip. "Stepped in front of him to get Troi. There was a flash and -
"Lal, Beverly would have had the tricorder and everything. Data would have had to carry me. Carry me in his arms with my life being drained away into that..." Her voice cracks, but the words roll on. "That thing." She looks up to the ceiling and her mind shifts to an image of a too blue sky. A sky under which both recorded her last good-byes and, before that, bared her soul to the most wonderful man she had known.
If she had to chose a love of that life....If
She blinks at tears and spreads her arm to encompass the room. "And, then he would have stood - not feeling anything - while everyone we loved grieved while I said only some small fraction of what he should have heard from me. Surrounded, and alone." She steels herself. "And not being able to explain any of it. Not even to Geordi. Because I asked! Hell, like a damn fool, I insisted!"
"While every second of it - every touch. Every time I laughed because he couldn't. Every idiot thing I ever told him..." Her voice drops. "Down to feeling me slipping away. It would all be there. Burned in permanently."
"Your memory isn't 'fragmented' on accident. He wouldn't do that, or he'd try to fix it. You have those gaps because he cares deeply about you. And what I am is pain."