Flashback/Test Scene:

[tasha_yar]

It was a nice simulation - all rolling hills and green grass. The sky was almost too blue, but Tasha didn't have the greatest color sense in the universe.

Picard had ordered her on a long break for everyone once the Enterprise returned to normal space after their time with the Traveler, and most of the crew was on well-needed shore leave on the world below. She tried going back to her normal comforts - working out, practicing with the aikido program, reading the latest reports. Hell, she even broke down and listened to Klingon opera in order to refine her grasp on the language.

It hadn't helped. The nightmares of being chased and caught with her senses blurred from any variety of drugs she could find making the dream-memories even more nightmarish and barely contained. They melded with the cage from her fight with Yareena. They blurred with Q's courtroom. And they had been blending with...that...ever since the Tsiolkovsky encounter.

It was all getting worse, not better, even as she felt herself wanting to settle in and make this a home. She was feeling her walls come up again - just like when she'd managed to do or say something stupid on her other postings. Lieutenant Yar could handle anything - minefields, riots, the criminally insane. Tasha made Wesley look like a goddamn sophisticated grown-up!

She sighed and looked at the holo-recorder in her hand. She stretched and pressed the button again. Self-pity wasn't going to get this done.

"Geordi, in those moments I felt the most despair, you took my hand and helped me to see things differently. You taught me to look beyond the moment."

Good. Solid. Decent. Sure, it felt woefully inadequate. It's not like she had a gift for words. With a silent apology, she moved onto the last person on the list. She'd splice this all together to put this in the middle - just to save some face somewhere. He wouldn't care, but she cared about the kind of idiocy he'd face.

"My friend Data," she starts on the speech she had planned. "You see things with the wonder of a child -" A smile plays across her lips. "And that makes you more human than any of us. And Data..." She hesitated. "Data, I..." Sigh, rewind, try again. "Data it did happen!" she manages to blurt out, followed immediately by a "Fuck!" Then a realization that was all being recorded again.

She flopped on the ground in defeat and impulsively threw the crystal hexagon back behind her.

"How about, 'Data, I'm sorry.' 'Data, I wish I wasn't so damn scared.' 'Data, I hope you didn't scar you for life so when you do find some person who is as wonderful and smart and fantastic as you are -" She growls in further defeat.

Then she realizes she never heard the holo-recorder land.

Comments

[humandroid]

"The differences between our individual programming are numerous and deliberate. I am aware of them."

Lore possessed a more ambitious nature. That he prioritized his ambition was unfortunate. Not strictly irrational, but certainly highly goal-oriented. His strategies were dedicated, thorough, intelligent. He was possessed of a fluidity that Data himself is yet unable to achieve. Potentially an added benefit to being created first and to being allowed to retain his memories of the colony?

To laugh, to understand subtle manipulations, to consider his own benefit over the lives of others, to miscalculate due to personal bias: Lore's claims of encompassing perfect humanity fall in line. Humanity is not positive in its entirety of behaviors.

Yet he chastised Data for thinking too similarly to humans. Is it possible to exhibit human behaviors, to express having been designed for that purpose, while refusing to acknowledge one's at times irrational and very humane thoughts and actions? An unusual discrepancy in personal awareness.

"My brother," he begins again, "was superior to me in areas that I have sought to understand all my life. Yet he chose to actively disregard and discourage those traits. I do not understand how he could function so closely to a state of true humanity without developing a basic understanding of the value of life."

To live adds substance to the universe. No two humans are entirely identical in all aspects, and no singular human has more than one existence. Humanity is infinitely complex. He may not be capable of an emotional attachment to these beliefs, but the gravity of the concepts are not difficult to grasp.

"Perhaps it is accurate to conclude that I simply do not understand my brother."

[tasha_yar]

After a moment, Tasha puts down her PADD and takes the PADD out of his hands, too. Her smaller hands gather up both of his.

"I think I do understand him," she admits. "In some ways." She moves her eyes to his. "And that anger is seductive. It feels like power and control in ways that...They aren't describable, Data. But it's not real. I -" Tasha swallows hard. "I wouldn't even call them 'human.' Not really. It's more primal, unthinking. Selfish.

"With his intellect; with the help of the colonists or something else out there, Lore could have chosen wonder. He could have rationalized having hope. He didn't."

She drops his hands and reaches back for her PADD. "That choice doesn't make him superior to you. You have things so much harder. When you chose to express yourself..."

She trails off, trying to think of a word. One comes to mind overwhelmingly, but he'll reject it.

[humandroid]

"His decisions were logically inferior, and ultimately as irrational as they were lacking in moral foundation. As beings designed to emulate humanity as closely as possible, however, it was his irrational nature which brought him closer to our creator's ultimate goal. And in that regard, he is decidedly superior."

Data continues inputting on his PADD, almost idly. Power and control, in relation to anger: a sentiment that would align well with Lore's professed resentment towards the colonists. Her statements all bear a certain understanding, but one that he's aware he can't entirely grasp. It's the nature of holding no emotion. Of having no capacity for feeling rage or betrayal.

When he'd considered the highly unlikely probability of encountering a sentient artificial life form such as himself in his lifetime, it was with an assumption that he would find such a life form simpler to understand than a human mind. To discover that it wasn't the case after all is unfortunate.

"Contrary to his first statement upon reactivation, Lore confided to me that he was Dr. Soong's first creation, and that he was a perfected implementation of human nature within an artificial life form. By his accounting, the colonists were distrustful and envious of that perfection."

Which he supposes could theoretically explain many things: isolation that led to anger and desperation, an eagerness to communicate with and provide for the crystalline entity, and his eventual dismantlement. Something to research, pending further inquiry.

"If his claims were not false, it remains that I was then designed to be... less perfect, following his deactivation. Lore's human nature, and its unfortunate result, was what inspired Dr. Soong to create me as I am.

"I am forced to question whether or not I may have been constructed to emulate and admire humanity without ever truly being able to encompass it, for fear that I would only duplicate Lore's decisions. And in the event that I am able to find an answer to that question, I must determine how best to proceed in my desire to encompass human nature regardless of my limitations."

[tasha_yar]

She puts down the PADD slightly harder than she means to. "Didn't I just say -"

No. Deep breath. She folds her finger in front of her face and tries again.

Words keep failing her.

"You're not less perfect," she replies very quietly. "I don't know how you were designed to be. What I know is - here and now - you're..."

Her eyes dart around his face, as if searching for the words there. "I feel like you bring the humanity out in me," she confessed quickly. "Whatever basis there is for that is in you. It's part of you."

Then she adds even more, surprising herself in the process. "And there's plenty to envy about you that's not in him."

[humandroid]

As a being whose future entails intensive diagnostics when he fails to out-strategize an organic life form, it can't be said that her sentiment has the full impact she might wish. Data is beginning to come to his own terms with the notion that many humans aren't capable of purely objective assessments of his qualities, however. One of the side effects of friendship or camaraderie. That understanding has a value to him. Which is to say, he'll safely talk around their differing definitions of 'less perfect'.

To their creator, his programming was preferable to Lore's programming, even while Lore's human qualities were ultimately more organic. It presents a difficult puzzle to piece together.

"Human standards are the standards by which I choose to shape my existence: and by those standards, flaws and imperfections do not inherently impact the value of one's contributions. That my brother and I were created in the same image by the same scientist, yet retained properties unique to our person, is a matter of great interest to me.

I believe I am capable of understanding what you are attempting to convey. Though properties that others may find enviable in me are purely subjective."

[tasha_yar]

"Humans are nothing if not flawed," she grouses.

She places a hand on his upper arm. "All I really know how to do is fight." She sniffs. "Argue. If that doesn't help, then I run."

"I wish though I could just...give you some of that now. It just...feels like my best friend isn't very much like himself right now. He feels far away and I don't know why or how I can help."

[humandroid]

Data considers it, briefly. Processes, so to speak, the liberal usage of the term 'best friend' and the flow of the rest of her statement.

Feeling. It's so intrinsically human.

"-- are you willing to pursue a hypothetical sequence of thought at this time?"

[tasha_yar]

Her lips twitch into a self-depreciating grimace. "Back on Vulcan," she says, mentioning her home as a young adult, "That usually meant I was in trouble."

She squeezes his arm once more before dropping her hand. She fidgets a bit to remove bits of tension in her neck and shoulders.

And she hopes he doesn't say something that will bring Ishara more to mind that this whole situation has, but - Well, this isn't about her...mostly. She does miss aspects of Data she perceives as "healthy," that feel as if they diminished after Lore's presence.

Maybe she's wrong? That happens frequently enough.

After processing all that through she nods to him. "All right, proceed with the hypothetical."

[humandroid]

"To my knowledge, you are not currently in trouble." He inclines his head towards her.

"My status as the only known being of my kind has effectively been revised to a status as the last of my kind. My brother is responsible for numerous deaths, many of which contributed to the largely unknown explanation of my origin and creation. If the same sequence of events were to occur in direct correlation with a human's lifetime, how might that make one... feel?"

[tasha_yar]

May he never understand that she is a walking, talking case of trouble.

Her eyes follow his as she speaks with far more calm and sadness than her normal cadence. "I am the only person who chose to leave Turkana," she admits. "Still. After all this time. Everything I say is going to be colored by that."

Tasha presses on. "There's a certain uniqueness in being the only one of your kind. It's lonely, but it's also special. There's a small bit of pride in it. Then there's the sense that only you and you alone can speak for a certain type of experience. That often leads to attention, and that attention can feel good and bad depending on the person asking and the circumstances."

"Then comes along another survivor." Her lips twitch into a sad smile. She had dreams where Ishara just suddenly showed up at her door - sober, free of the cadres, and all smiles - and she uses them now. "Someone where you don't need to explain things to over and over, that you don't need to apologize to for being so different than everyone else, and I can imagine there would be so much relief in that. There's joy that you aren't alone anymore. Maybe a little bit of loss in there, too, because as messed up as it is, there's a loss in no longer being unique."

"And then they abuse you - on top of everything you both may have done to survive. It seems like 'betrayal' is too mild of a word for something like that. Worse, they attack your sanctuary - defiling it. So, fear. Irrational, stupid fear."

"Then there's something I know you're doing." She places a hand over what would be his heart. "Taking what you know or have been told and re-examining who you thought you were based on that new information, because a human would feel disturbed in their sense of self."

Suddenly, this look of horror crosses her face and she steps back from him, blushing bright red and silent after a murmured apology. She looks ready to run.

[humandroid]

Data takes in her words with rapt attention. Every gesture, every cadence of her tone, every turn of phrase. Humans, he's aware, experience and rationalize events in ways unique to their own understanding, while he can only process events as they are. While some portion of his brain may undoubtedly apply itself to analyzing her explanations as such, he's content not to bring it into active consideration at current.

What must it be like to experience so many diverse and complex emotions within a limited span of time?

Enraptured may, in fact, be too mild a word to describe his interest.

"You do not need to apologize. I am familiar with the probability of receiving routine physical contact within certain parameters. And I found your observations to be quite... remarkable." Humans. They never cease to be remarkable. "If you would prefer to be relieved of cataloging duty due to your previously-expressed distaste, of course, that would be understandable."

[tasha_yar]

The embarrassment drains from her replaced by something...else. It's not attraction that is left in its stead. She know what that feels like. This feels...more. She likes it - too much. What he said though just caught up to her and there was something there that bothered her.

"Wait." She holds up a hand. "Are you saying that people don't touch you?"

[humandroid]

"I have been touched." In every factual sense, at least. "It is more common that such contact is limited to mechanical or professional exchanges, however. Experience has indicated that I am not yet-- adept at recognizing the appropriate circumstances in which to initiate friendly physical contact. Observance has been a key aspect of my ongoing improvement."

[tasha_yar]

She grimaces. "I'll own up to some of that confusion," she admits. After some time of silence, she explains.

"I think with what I just did, it was almost like...wanting to transfer strength. I trust you, and I like you, so that contact -" Her grimace morphs into bashfulness. "It feels good."

"But why I pulled away was that I'm not that good with touch either. I felt like I might have over-stepped myself and done something wrong. I don't want to make mistakes, especially when it comes to you."