Redirecting Energy

[tasha_yar]

It's been a few days since she was twelve. And Lucy thinks this place is boring.

The reports have been made and filed. Most of the reunions she sought out have happen. The most memorable one was pure chaos. Maybe she should have expected that?

No, you really don't expect to be twelve twice. Especially not while in the quarters of you best friend. Who got displaced between his bridge shift ending and entering his quarters. Who now has a daughter. Who collapsed in your arms earlier in the day.

Strength enough to bend par-steel, but likely held back by the Laws of Robotics, and she felt helpless.

Yar has always had a duty to the helpless. Even more than that, she's a sweet kid.

The buzzer to Lal's quarters chimes.

Comments

[usescontractions]

Slowly, she nods. She's never been in real trouble, but she had seen men try to test Alice's boundaries back on Orion Prime. One or two of them may have come away with a broken hand. But, those tales will most likely be kept under wraps. If her father knew... The sliver of freedom she manages to enjoy back home would be gone forever.

"I understand."

[tasha_yar]

She shakes her head. "I don't think you do," the older woman says with brutal honesty, before softening. "Or at least I hope you don't. But there's a lot I hope you never do understand."

She should have that kind of warning in her recorded memories somewhere a few times over. Not that Tasha knows that.

Tasha purses her lips. "I'd like to teach you aikido. If you're willing."

[usescontractions]

One of the few tells that Lal has, is the way her eyes move back and forth just slightly when she's accessing information. But, it takes only a few seconds before she's comfortably informed and can respond.

"Martial arts. Often focusing on redirecting or terminating an opponent's attacks. I think it would be a good choice for me. I don't wish to harm anyone."

[tasha_yar]

She's not the only one who does that, and it makes her smile.

"I didn't think you would."

"Ready to get started?"

[usescontractions]

"Yes, please." She answers quickly. "Will we go to the holodeck?"

[tasha_yar]

Some time later.

"Well, I did have a Aikido program stored in here."

Just another little reminder. How many more are there going to be?

[usescontractions]

"I can help." Lal was attempting to look over Tasha'a shoulder without much success. She'll move around to the side, and wait for Tasha to allow her access.

"Many of my father's memories were transferred to me, along with programming information on several relevant holodeck programs."

[tasha_yar]

...

...

...

Find your words, Lieutenant.

The color is completely gone from her face, and silence echoes through the yellow and black gridded room as she just stares at Lal wondering -

She can't even think it.

[usescontractions]

"Tasha?" Vaguely endearing android head tilt? Check.

"Did I say something wrong? If you'd like, we can program a new simulation. It won't be much trouble."

[tasha_yar]

"How much?!" she chokes out.

[usescontractions]

There's a split second where she doesn't understand what the question is in reference to. Then it dawns on her. Oh.

She raises her hands quickly, waving them in front of her. "Several. But, if you are worried about your relationship with my father, I only know of it from my clear memory of his defense against Commander Maddox. I don't know the details." Thankfully...

[tasha_yar]

Tasha's wild look might even put the Fear of God into Data.

"What defense? Who the hell is Commander Maddox?!"

Why did this defense involve me after Vagra II?

[usescontractions]

That look might just cause her to spit the information out as quickly as she can while maintaining a speed appropriate for human comprehension.

"Commander Bruce Maddox, Associate Chair of the Daystrom Institute. He initially challenged my father's acceptance into Starfleet, citing that my father was not sentient. in 2364, he ordered my father to accompany him to the institute to be killed. Maddox wanted to create a slave race of androids, but was unable to replicate my grandfather's work. He believed disassembling my father would allow him to learn the secret of Dr. Soong's work.

My father decided to resign from Starfleet rather than die, but as Maddox challenged that action as well, calling my father 'property of Starfleet', Captain Picard requested a legal hearing. Captain Picard urged my father to define his relationship with you during the hearing. When my father hesitated, Captain Picard assured him that you would not mind, considering the circumstances."

[tasha_yar]

She'll be processing what Lal has told her for days - quietly and away from the girl. What she's saying is too horrible to think about. Starfleet - the people who took the two of them in and gave them lives they -

No, she can't justify saying Commander Data didn't, in some way, love his life.

"The Captain was right," she says hollowly. "I am - was - responsible for the safety of everyone on board." But they both know there's more and that fact hangs in the room like a fog.

"Did it help? Did it save his life?"

[usescontractions]

"Yes." She nods slowly, and returns to a more normal conversation speed now that Tasha seems... calmer.

"It even changed Commander Maddox's position on artificial life. But, not Starfleet's. Every time the Federation has learned of a new android, they have attempted to have it as their property. The rights my father won in that hearing apply only to him."

[tasha_yar]

She is furious. "Why?! Because we -?"

Lieutenant Yar, Tasha remembers him asking, Would it not be the next logical priority to ensure you were also not permanently damaged by our encounter?

Her eyes close and she goes quiet, in an true - but admittedly melodramatic way - it's the quiet of the grave. She bows her head.

It's not the night of the Tsiolkovsky that comes to mind. It was a time after it, on Ligon. Yareena had refused to budge on combat to the death for Lutan or the vaccine they needed. Geordi, Deanna, Data and the Captain were there when she entered. She won't budge. She explained. She loves him, without reservation. No matter how idiot insane that was. She had dared a split second glance at Data. And she thinks I love him too.

And damn it! Data just had to ask. Most interesting. Do you?

Tasha would have rather been sent to the death match in that moment. She had to hold back from just...grabbing him and screaming "No!" God only knows what Deanna was reading from her! God knows what Jean-Luc would have done if she'd given into that wild impulse to just kiss Data to both shut him up and maybe even answer his ill-timed question in front of everyone. She can't remember what she sputtered out. Some rotten thing about attraction and love being totally different. Here she was - facing down potential death - and an innocent question scared her.

She knew he wanted information for his further research into humans, but did he ask for other reason? Specific reasons?

Maybe the Captain figured it out then?

"How did the Captain know to use -" She chooses her word carefully. "My closeness with him as a way to tell them what I would have had I been there?"

[usescontractions]

"I don't know. Some of my father's memories are as clear as my very own. Some are fragmented. If I had to guess, I would say it is because my father kept a holocube of your image. And you know how unsentimental he is now, so it would appear highly unusual."

She breathes a little sigh. "I had been curious about certain things, but I never asked. I do not think he knows how much of his memory was transferred to me. And his past does not usually bring about positive feelings in him."

[tasha_yar]

"A hologram." She's not questioning it. She should, but -

"Lal," she says quietly. "I can't answer many of those questions. Maybe...he can't either." She takes Lal's shoulders. "And maybe I'm...some other Tasha Yar than he knew."

She lets go and starts to pace, and as she talks the reality of what happened - all of it - begins to filter in. "But if things all happened the same way? The last things I remember? He would -

"Armus seemed interested in him - specifically - and I just -" She bites her lip. "Stepped in front of him to get Troi. There was a flash and -

"Lal, Beverly would have had the tricorder and everything. Data would have had to carry me. Carry me in his arms with my life being drained away into that..." Her voice cracks, but the words roll on. "That thing." She looks up to the ceiling and her mind shifts to an image of a too blue sky. A sky under which both recorded her last good-byes and, before that, bared her soul to the most wonderful man she had known.

If she had to chose a love of that life....If

She blinks at tears and spreads her arm to encompass the room. "And, then he would have stood - not feeling anything - while everyone we loved grieved while I said only some small fraction of what he should have heard from me. Surrounded, and alone." She steels herself. "And not being able to explain any of it. Not even to Geordi. Because I asked! Hell, like a damn fool, I insisted!"

"While every second of it - every touch. Every time I laughed because he couldn't. Every idiot thing I ever told him..." Her voice drops. "Down to feeling me slipping away. It would all be there. Burned in permanently."

"Your memory isn't 'fragmented' on accident. He wouldn't do that, or he'd try to fix it. You have those gaps because he cares deeply about you. And what I am is pain."

[usescontractions]

"Perhaps." It would make sense. His first thought has always been to shield Lal from unpleasantness. "Though, I have several very painful memories of my father's. When my grandmother died, he could not handle the idea of all he had lost. You, me, Lore, grandfather... I think it was then that the idea of isolating himself began. When he had me back, we left the Enterprise, and didn't return. He only contacted Geordi again when I was in danger, and he had nowhere else to turn."

Here come the waterworks. Lal reaches up to wipe tears away from her cheek with the back of her hand. "I understand why he chose to leave Starfleet, but not why he has gone to such lengths to avoid people who care about him. Who care about us. He would rather sever all ties than face death again. But, what's the difference? They aren't gone yet."

[tasha_yar]

Her head moves back and forth slowly. "I know it has to be hard with your memory." A sad smile colonizes her face as she once again takes Lal's shoulders before moving one hand over the girl's bangs, smoothing them into place and away from her tears.

"I know - I've always known - that I was going to have to fight my past for my whole life." Her eyebrows move into her bangs as she sucks in a breath through her teeth. "And, apparently, I'm going to fight it going into this one, too."

She puts two fingers under Lal's chin, lifting it gently so her dark eyes meet Tasha's lighter ones. "So will you." With that, Lal is folded into Tasha's arms for a tight hug.

With her face safely facing away, she adds. "You're allowed to hate your world. You're even allowed to miss it. But..." Her body tightens and she channels it into the hug. "The things that never happened still matter. Remember that for me. No matter how long you have." She steps back, and smooths Lal's clothing around her shoulders.

"Should we get to throwing around holograms now?"

[usescontractions]

She nods slowly, wiping at her face again. "Thank you I.. it's been difficult being away from my father." After all, this is the first time she's been away from him for an extended period of time. For all her complex thoughts and knowledge, she's still just a child.

"Yes. I think that would be good."