Redirecting Energy

[tasha_yar]

It's been a few days since she was twelve. And Lucy thinks this place is boring.

The reports have been made and filed. Most of the reunions she sought out have happen. The most memorable one was pure chaos. Maybe she should have expected that?

No, you really don't expect to be twelve twice. Especially not while in the quarters of you best friend. Who got displaced between his bridge shift ending and entering his quarters. Who now has a daughter. Who collapsed in your arms earlier in the day.

Strength enough to bend par-steel, but likely held back by the Laws of Robotics, and she felt helpless.

Yar has always had a duty to the helpless. Even more than that, she's a sweet kid.

The buzzer to Lal's quarters chimes.

Comments

[usescontractions]

Lal could've just called for Tasha to enter, that is customary aboard the ship. But, when she's not otherwise occupied, she tends to like the Orion way of doing things.

She sets the small harp she had replicated aside, and makes her way to the door herself. When reaches the sensor range, and the door slides back, she greets Tasha with a smile.

"Tasha? My father is not in right now..." Disappointing, to say the least. Lal would actually enjoy the company at the moment.

[tasha_yar]

"Been awhile since she's seen Orion ways of doing things," she comments simply, while walking in the room.

She had a memorable roommate in the Academy; probably because they were the only two on campus who could stand to be around each other for long periods.

"And I'm not here for him. I'm here for you. I have an idea. Not sure you're up for it, but -" She shrugs. "Figured I'd ask."

[usescontractions]

Hm. She thought for sure Tasha would be there to see her father. She makes a note to gather more information on that topic when the time is right.

"What is it?" She asks, excitedly. "You might be surprised!" Because, at this point, Lal's up for almost anything that might be considered fun.

[tasha_yar]

Tasha sobers. "You were afraid," she states quietly. She puts out her hands to stop Lal's reaction long enough to keep listening and then starts to pace and fidget. "It's nothing to be ashamed of. Nothing of the sort."

She turns on the ball of her foot. "I want to teach you something. Something to help you not feel as helpless."

[usescontractions]

"Oh. I'm already very strong. Do you think I should use physical force if Starfleet attempts to remove me?"

Don't think that thought hadn't crossed her mind. Those admirals were lucky she had managed to keep it together and not punch any of them. If she could render her father incapable of using his arm for 42 minutes with one blow, who knows what she could do to a human if her strength went unchecked.

[tasha_yar]

"No." Her smile is mirthless. "That's going to be something for the Captain." Or her, but she's not going to mention that, or mention that uncomfortable spit loyalties feeling she has. "But they aren't the only threats."

She closes her eyes and ducks her head. "And you are female. Not...every culture - or being - respects that."

[usescontractions]

Slowly, she nods. She's never been in real trouble, but she had seen men try to test Alice's boundaries back on Orion Prime. One or two of them may have come away with a broken hand. But, those tales will most likely be kept under wraps. If her father knew... The sliver of freedom she manages to enjoy back home would be gone forever.

"I understand."

[tasha_yar]

She shakes her head. "I don't think you do," the older woman says with brutal honesty, before softening. "Or at least I hope you don't. But there's a lot I hope you never do understand."

She should have that kind of warning in her recorded memories somewhere a few times over. Not that Tasha knows that.

Tasha purses her lips. "I'd like to teach you aikido. If you're willing."

[tasha_yar]

"Wonderful thing about martial arts, Lal? It helps focus you on the here and now."

And that's all there is for a few hours.

"You are - unsurprisingly - a quick study," she says, gulping down water.

[usescontractions]

"Thank you." Not having to really worry about hydration or exhaustion, a fraction of Lal's focus is on her appearance. She idly smooths her hair back into place with her fingers as she continues. "I enjoyed this more than other means of self defense. Alice tried to teach me to fight, back home, and I found I didn't care for it."

Then again, Alice's methods were... Quite different.

[tasha_yar]

"Alice?"

She's split between letting Lal talk about that alternative timeline and demanding she move on from it, to be honest. If she's anything like her father though, she needs to talk it out. She'll willingly listen, even when her stories threaten to break her heart with their isolation. Lal's positronic mind clearly craved stimuli, and not in the same way as what she was used to from Data. Hers was more...starved. That was it. She latched onto novelty and new ideas like Tasha had been in awe of replicators and showers when she first escaped. It was as if the whole concept of never having to just fight to get through a day - to feel full, clean, and honest - was both a relief and a terror. The terror came from the idea it would all just disappear and drop them back off where they had been.

[usescontractions]

"Alice was my caretaker. That's how my father put it. More like a babysitter." She's slightly bitter about that. "I wasn't allowed to do anything before Alice."

Her expression is somewhere halfway between sad and angry. In fact, Lal herself can't tell which one is stronger. "She was one of us. Not a Soong-Type, much older. She was my friend as well." My only friend... "But, she had to leave because her rules were different." She taps her temple, as if to illustrate she means Alice's programming.

"I have been here for quite some time, and I don't know if I've forgiven her yet. Even though it is irrational to be upset, considering the circumstances of her departure."

[tasha_yar]

The water bottle falls between her knees and she leans forward.

"Just you and more androids? All the time?"

If she sounds incredulous, she is. Sure, she can see Data as a fussy parent in some reality. A grabby one? Maybe. An abusive and broken one - which, as forgiving as Lal is being - is what she's been signaling? Never. Except some small, malicious devil keeps whispering something she doesn't want to examine.

Her attraction to older men with power is a reoccurring theme - and it was almost never men who would have enjoyed her company as a person. (The ones who did respect her person-hood had wisdom and good sense not to indulge her.) It was a hold-over from the colony and its themes of survival. Sure, she did see some people find love, or at least comfort, with each other there. It never lasted, because death and drugs and a philosophy of individual survival dominated every atom on the planet. Those who didn't fall apart were crushed.

What she felt for Data was multiple things: A shock, a delight, a terror, foolhardy in the extreme, and - honestly - something of a miracle. She kept it locked up because, what was there to do about it? But what she cherished the most was the fact that he was the exception. She was the world-weary one. Hadn't she stood here in this room and said, My friend Data. You see things with the wonder of a child, and that makes you more human than any of us?

The descriptions of Lal's father sound like...not the exception. It's not the here and now, and the here and now is hardly what Lal's then and was would have been. Still, the devil has a foothold.

And she's not paying attention, Lal. Sorry.

[usescontractions]

She's not entirely sure she understands what Tasha means. Her head tilts, and her brow furrows. "Not all the time. Alice and I would often go out and meet different people. Orion's nightlife is very diverse, especially compared to recreational activities here.

But, my father would not have let just anyone into the house. If he had hired a human, they would have discovered our true nature, and ruined my father's cover story for us. Many people had their eyes on him, since he was the big boss of the most extravagant casino on the whole planet. But, he was a little paranoid too. I can understand his point about my fits, but my age and experience? Two years of age is much different for an android than it is for a human! And as I always asked him, how was I supposed to gain experience if I was stuck at the top of a tower all the time?"

[tasha_yar]

She drops into report mode. "Turkana IV was set up to be a medicinal colony with a strict individualist philosophy. It failed."

"There were drugs." She shutters. "And gambling, which was just another drug. The gangs and warlords fought for every scrap. Who they couldn't use, they killed - or worse. Those they could use? They were possessions - always watched, but never cared for. People I loved selected that life, and it was slow death for them."

She rubs her hands across her face. "To me, the person you describe is someone older and broken compared to who - who I cared for. Who helped me open up and see the wonder in the universe." Her eyes dart over Lal's face. "Easily the most human of us. Any of us. I -" She swallowed hard. "I died - not for him - but for that wonder, because that awe? It changed me." She brushes Lal's hair back to get a better look at her. "It's the wonder I see in you."

How cruel had she been to let him see that world through her?

"I know it was different than what I'm describing. It had to be. But that's my frame of reference." She points to her head. "My programming."

[usescontractions]

She listens carefully to Tasha's description of Turkana IV, and she's honestly not sure what to feel. She has access to information on countless tragedies, but in her head, they're just numbers. It's just information. But this, this is something terrible that happened to someone she knows well.

And yet, she can't really imagine what it must have been like.

"I think I understand, about my father. I remember he once told me that our struggle to become human, to become better, is what is important, not the end result. I think that he may have lost sight of that idea now that he has attained what he chased for so many years."

[tasha_yar]

A long, low "oooo" sound comes out of her mouth, which dissolves into a short giggle. "The truth, much of the time, Lal, is that we're often, as humans, too close to the truth to see it. Those of us born human still can be made to question our humanity." A hand leans on her shoulder. "Why should it be any different just because you both have to go a different way?"

[usescontractions]

"Yes. Perhaps that is the case." She doesn't fully understand the concept. Then again, she's not had the years of experience her father or Tasha have. But, she's not going to question it at the moment. She would rather the conversation remain on the lighter side of things.

"How is your head feeling?"

[tasha_yar]

"Just keep it somewhere close to your heart. So it's there if you need it."

who knows what the future holds for her if she's talking to a ghost of the ancient past right now?

There's a grimace in response to Lal's question. "Bad. Better." she waves it off. "I'll be fine, I think. I'll let Dr. Crusher know."

Lal may or may not notice she didn't say, "go to Sickbay."

"Can I ask how long you have been activated for? I mean both times."

[usescontractions]

"Two weeks, the first time." The only time Lal uses precise measurements is when she wants to annoy her father. Or when precision is required, for some reason.

"This time, nearly three years, including the time I've been here."

[tasha_yar]

"Several people," she says, following Lal's lead. "They don't all make a good deal of sense to me."

The werewolf, the clock collector, Aggie in general.

"I think the one that makes the most sense, honestly, are you followed by the 20th century car." Kitt...she owes Kitt one at this point. A good-sized one.

[usescontractions]

"A car?" She would think this was some kind of an attempt at a joke, if it were anyone else. "Where is it? Shuttlebay?"

[tasha_yar]

Her reflex for defending others flares slightly and she stops walking. "Cargo Bay, and don't you dare harass him about it. Kitt has another form of a hard light hologram which can move about the ship as a human proxy."

Then she remembers who she's talking to after a moment. "Sorry, Lal. I know you wouldn't. You appear so human-like though that -" She shakes her head and continues her travels. "Old habits."

[usescontractions]

"He just sounds interesting, that's all." As long as he isn't as annoying as her father's ship could be. "I've never heard of artificial intelligence from that far in the past. Well, from Earth, anyway."

[tasha_yar]

"Neither have I, but my experience and education on such things is limited," she admits. She wonders if that ignorance has helped her acceptance of things it seems like more sophisticated people raised in the Federation could not. Or, maybe her early painful experiences just let her take less for granted. That ignorance in the turbolift earlier could have been potentially fatal and she would have never known.

Starfleet put certain things, like potential phaser settings to harm or destroy a Soong-type androids, in Data's file - even if they were limited to high-ranking Security and Command personnel. She even added some notes to them after Lore. It's an odd feeling to know (potentially) how to obliterate a friend and his daughter. It's even more odd to know how to eradicate without knowing the first thing about how to help.

It's then Tasha realizes that, in all honesty, she has been in this place her whole life, even though her talents were channeled into protection. While she's questioned this space before it's always been more abstract, more academic, and more dismissible.

Did I really spend a whole life protecting what others made without leaving anything behind?

The answer is, of course she did, and that had been the plan the whole time. What is making her question that now?

Outwardly, Lal can see the frown as she thinks this through.